This day is seared into my mind for eternity.

7 years ago today I was determined to break out of the depressive funk I was in.  I took 3 of my 4 kids, who were 5, 3, and 1 to the downtown library storytime (instead of the base one).  The 7 year old was in school.

It was 40 below with windchill.

The baby, who was a 20-month old Hammy, peeled off his socks and shoes on the way to the library and SCREAMED at the top of his lungs the rest of the way there-- because he was probably getting frostbite in the van.

I was determined to be positive and happy and bust the down, depressed, guilty feeling I had.  I had kids who needed puppet shows and books from the library and I had errands to run afterwards.

My period was late.  I was pretty convinced it was messed up since the miscarriage in May.  Or maybe it was hibernating.  I had been hibernating after all.

After the library, I went to Target.  I picked up a pregnancy test.  It was a double pack.  I had to use the bathroom so I took it right then in the Target bathroom.  And it didn't work.  I slipped it back in the box and took it home intending to call the company and get a refund.

I called the company from home and they apologized and promised coupons would come in the mail.
So I threw the defective one in my trash.

5 hours later, when Danny was home and I was able to use the bathroom again, I noticed that pregnancy test that didn't seem to work at all, now had two lines.  Dumb defective test.  I mentioned it to Danny.  He said he saw it in the trash and figured it was past the 10 minutes as is written on the box-- so it couldn't be accurate.  We decided I'd give my period a few more days to show up before testing again.

But then I ended bawling over something insignificant and decided to just test again that night.

I tested.  It was positive before I even set it down on the bathtub.

It would be another 2 1/2 weeks before I found out I was carrying triplets.

My kids are making me fat.

I went to Wal-Mart today with all six kids by myself. I strapped Baby A to me in a baby carrier and Baby B was in his carseat in the back of the shopping cart. Ham was in the seat buckled in and Bun was riding on the end of the cart (the place Mom would never let me ride as a child because it wasn't safe). Gabbers was holding on to the left side of the cart and Pookie holding on to the right.

I was feeling pretty good about myself running errands while Danny was at work- not asking him to expend more energy after a long day to run my errands. I didn't make a list because it was a last minute thought. So on the way to Wal-Mart I had the kids each memorize what we were supposed to get.

me (Nikki): Pookie?
Pookie: stuffing and Corn syrup
me: Gabbers?
Gabbers: gravy mix and straws (only time of year, by the way, that I buy gravy mix and it's to enhance the amount I'm able to make from the turkey drippings and grrr! it was expensive)
me: Bun?
Bun: address labels and vitamin C drink
**repeated 5 more times**

After we'd been walking around Wal-Mart about 10 minutes finding our items I saw a man see us. He looked absolutely disgusted after surveying us, shook his head, and walked on. My stomach dropped. My mood darkened slightly. What business is it to him how many children I have? It's not like they were acting like the usual monkeys they are. They weren't crying with snot running down their faces. They weren't reaching wildly for things. I wasn't telling them "Don't touch that!" They weren't fighting or poking each other. They were being very good. I was pleased with my brood. My little ducklings who were now following me obediently in a line with Gabbers only occasionally stepping on my flip flops were cute and quiet. In hindsight they were probably tired. I tried to think of what I might say if he or someone else said something rude to me like last time, "Got enough kids?!" or "Man I feel sorry for you." But as I thought of these previous comments I felt sicker. So I let it go.

Good for you I patted myself on the back. Don't let anyone else decide how you feel.

Then I continued shopping. And when I finally remembered where the office supplies section of our recently remodeled Wal-Mart was I found myself in the same aisle with this man again. I was actually on the same side of the aisle right next to him apparently looking at the same thing. And he looked disgusted again. Really disgusted. How dare I share the same space with him. I wanted to blurt out, "I'm NOT octomom for heaven's sake! I actually married BEFORE having children and my husband is STILL in the picture and we're not relying on food stamps. I love all my kids and take them to church. And I DO KNOW what causes it."

But I did not say that. No ma'am. I bought Cheetos instead.

Fat feet, fraternal twins, anorexic scarecrow

Swollen foot on left. Hippopotamus's swollen foot on right.
I ran for the camera when I saw this pose. B is on left with pacifier watching A. A was asleep holding B's pacifier in his mouth for him. But by the time I took the picture Baby A moved his hand away.

Baby B is in white and Baby A is in blue. We often find them sleeping in exactly the same poses. Here they were fast asleep just minutes after putting them in tummy time.



This pic is for my sister Leslie. We talked about the Fall Festival over the phone and the scarecrow activity. I like to refer to this fine specimen as the anorexic scarecrow-- our ugliest scarecrow to date. I thought it would be easier for the family to make a teenage scarecrow because it would take less time. But it really looks dorky. lol

Fastest weight-loss ever!

I lost 43 lbs. in 2 weeks. Side effects vary.



P.S. Part 3 of The twin birth story later today. hopefully.

Please pray

I am doing very poorly. I need your prayers desperately. Wish I had energy to blog it all now.

Twins have arrived!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 10:05 p.m. 6 lbs. 15 oz. of baby on left was born.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 10:06 p.m. 6 lbs. 1 oz. of baby on right was born.

Both boys are amazingly healthy. Being born at 35 weeks gestation they were automatically sent to the NICU for observation. Neither one needs oxygen. All blood tests were normal. Right now they're basically being observed for eating to see if they can eat and gain weight. Baby on left is a champion eater and decided to remove his feeding tube to prove it.

The pathology report on the placenta determined it was two separate placentas fused together. Everyday Danny and I change our mind about if they're fraternal or identical. I suspect if their mild jaundice levels returned to normal, if baby on the right's skin was less red, and if they weighed the same, they'd look identical. But that's just my opinion as of this afternoon. Earlier today I thought baby on left looked like Danny and Pookie's birth pictures. And I thought baby on right looked like Bun and maybe a masculine form of Gabbers' birth pictures.

So if they were for sure sharing the same placenta, they'd be identical. There's still a possibility that they are identical if the egg split early enough for them to create their own placentas.

As for me and my adventures in laboring and recovering, that is another post. But as crappy as I feel, I couldn't have been more blessed than I am with these super snuggly healthy boys.

Are we there yet? alternate title: I'm tired of this! Take them out!

My OB is in my ward at church. If you're not LDS, you might be more familiar with the term "congregation." When Danny and his mom and the kids were leaving for church nearly an hour ago I told him, "Glare at Dr. XXXX. And then tell him with a very stern voice, 'Take the babies out. I want my wife back.'" I also told him that if he should see Dr. XXXX get up and leave sacrament meeting in a hasty rush, he (Danny) should follow him because it might be because of my phone call.

I'm in pain all the time now. My uterus aches constantly even when I'm not contracting. I went to Labor & Delivery Friday night at 11 p.m. with contractions 4-5 minutes apart. After four doses of a drug called Procardia, the contractions slowed to 5-6 minutes apart. They gave me a shot of Terbutaline as a last ditch effort and discharged me after checking my un-changing cervix. So I went home jittery (from the Terbutaline) and within two hours started the worst headache of my life-- thanks to the Procardia.

I was instructed upon discharge to take the Procardia at home every four hours whether I have contractions or not until I reach 35 weeks. Well, I say to that, "flllllrbbbbtttt!" I'm not taking a drug that gives me awful headaches and doesn't dent my contractions.

So, just barely I took some Terbutaline. Why? Everyone is at church and I have contractions 6 minutes apart and I'm terrified of giving birth in the living room to twins knowing full well the first one is breach. And because Terbutaline actually helps. a little.

Honestly, I'm super excited to meet my little twins. But the very thought of having a twin pregnancy again is HORRIFYING.



P.S. Danny has pulled out all the stops when it comes to tact. At least that's how it seems to me. Last night I was telling him that my outer thighs feel weird like they're dense or numb-ish. And he said, "It's because you're retaining water. I mean just look at your right leg and foot. It looks like you're wearing a sumo suit."

34 weeks and pics

34 weeks exactly. Notice the puffy sleep-deprived eyes. *sigh* There is no position left that I can comfortably sleep in. The best is the lazy boy. But you should see my feet-- my right foot in particular. It looks like it belongs on a 500 lb. caveman. The children were most entertained today. Every time the thought occurred to them, they'd rush over and see if my foot was still growing into a giant.
This pose demonstrates the position I find myself in when I'm standing or walking (only to the bathroom of course since I'm on bedrest). I worry that if I don't hold up this gigantic belly it might fall off or something.

So, Friday I got discharged from the hospital to go home on bedrest. After nearly two weeks of monitoring the babies and frequently checking my cervix, they determined I was safe to go home. The babies never showed signs of distress on the monitors. And my cervix stayed at 1 cm despite the constant contractions. The doctor said I could dance around after 34 weeks. lol

However, yesterday I called my local OB to ask him if it was normal or okay that my stomach is numb. If you go out about a 4 to 5 inch radius from my belly button and draw a circle around it, the whole area is numb. It's kind of a weird sensation really-- or rather, lack of sensation. Anyways, he said it's normal since I'm so full of baby right now and something or other about the nerves and the thinness of the abdominal wall.

Then my OB told me that he discussed me at great length over the weekend with the doctor from the other hospital. And even though they believe 34 weeks is a safe time, he prefers I "lay down on my left side and not move until 35 weeks." He said, "You are on complete bedrest. No cooking. No cleaning. No shopping. You understand?" I said, "Yes sir. My mother-in-law is here and taking care of all of us nicely."

So, that's my current story-- hoping for 7 more days. Tonight I decided though, if I can make it to August 30th, that would be really good. I'll be 36 weeks 5 days. That's a special day for me. It's Danny's grandma's birthday. It's one of my best friend's birthday. It's my sister-in-law Amy's birthday. And it's the day I said good-bye to my childhood dog, Tara. So, if I can make it to 36 weeks 5 days, I'll be doing laps around the block and possibly drinking Milk of Magnesia. ;)

I knew I was getting bigger

Yesterday on the way home from the hospital I had to use the bathroom really bad. No surprise. So as soon as we found a decent establishment a.k.a. not a bar or a gas station, I indicated to Danny to pull the car over. It was a Walgreens. And as far as my memory served me correctly, I was pretty sure I used their facilities before.

As I walked into the Walgreens, a woman with a grade school age son and a preschool daughter (probably aged 3) were walking out. The cute little girl said, "Momma, she gonna have a baby!" And the mom without missing a beat replied, "Oh yeah, any minute now."

Leaving... on a jet plane in a blue car

In about 40 minutes my peeps are going to break me out of this joint.

Sleep? Pshaw. Highly overrated.

Yesterday I received an email from my older sister Leslie with the subject line saying, "It's okay to nap now and then" and this pic attached. I laughed so hard I was sure the nurses were going to come check on me.

Last night I discovered I cannot sleep on my side anymore. I tried all variations with my adjustable hospital bed and pillows and sheets. My stomach is way too big and heavy. If I'm laying on my left side my right side hurts from the weight pulling against it. My left arm feels pinned down under the weight of me. And should I decide that I need to pee, there's no convincing the rest of my body that I can get out of bed by myself. If I were at home I'd say, "Danny! I need to pee! Push me out of bed PLEASE!" But here in the hospital I don't have a spare Danny for such middle of the night emergencies. So, I have to sleep in a sitting position --being careful not to have too much of a reclining position so the babies aren't pressing against a main artery in my back.

Part of me wants the babies out so I can recover and sleep like a normal person. When I think about that though I feel so guilty knowing they would surely end up in the NICU and if they didn't end up in the NICU did I really think I would be getting sleep like a normal person with newborn twins at home?! *sigh*

So I've been compiling in my head all the good advice that will surely come in handy when I write a book about how to have a successful twin pregnancy. You know, along with that How to Potty train your child and not lose your mind book I'm also concocting. There's something about knowing that I could possibly help someone else in their struggle that helps me through mine. Or maybe just some good notes for myself in case I find my self down this road again.

Anyhow, yesterday I won the battle with shaving my legs. Please make sure you interpret "won" correctly. I came out of the teeny-tiny hospital shower (which happens to have a burned out lightbulb) with no knicks on my legs. Sure I still look half Amazon woman, but I did not give up. I suppose that counts for a good workout too. The nurse looked at me like I was nuts when I told her of the battle and she said, "Oh, hairy legs? We've seen much much worse." She's such a funny lady. She also happens to be the nurse that was with me when I delivered Gabbers here nearly six years ago. Her name is Kathy. Kathy tells me I'm a good incubator. She says that every time she sees me I look bigger and that's good because that means the babies are growing.

Coming to you live from my little corner of the hospital

I was readmitted to the hospital about 24 hours from being released. My contractions were 2 1/2 minutes apart and my local doctor was not pleased that they released me to begin with.

I did receive steroid shots for the babies' lungs last Monday and Tuesday.

The nurses and doctor have commented on the obvious growth of my belly just over the last few days.

I feel like I'm starving. So I've been ordering an extra banana or crackers with meals and squirreling them away into a drawer for the middle of the night when they think I don't need to be eating. Today Danny brought me some yogurt and Ensures for my stash. Unfortunately the yogurt has to be refrigerated-- which means I have to ask for it. Most of the nurses are very nice. A couple seem inconvenienced when I say things like, "I need to use the bathroom. Can you unplug all these monitors?"

I miss the orange sherbet from the Frozen North Hospital. However, they have the best vegetables here, and I swear their pie crust is homemade. :)

I'm 33 weeks tomorrow. The goal is to make it to 34 weeks. Thank you for all your prayers and kind thoughts.

10 lbs. of babies still intact

I have spent the last few days in the same hospital Gabbers was born at nearly 6 years ago. The doctors have not been successful in stopping the contractions. But fortunately at the last cervical check, the contractions are not progressing labor as of right now.

Today at my ultrasound with Super-Doc before being discharged to go home on bedrest:

Baby A is sitting breach, very low and weighs 4 lbs. 13 oz.
Baby B is head down, but very high in the uterus and weighs 5 lbs. 1 oz.

I'm 32 weeks 1 day. We're praying to reach 35 weeks.



P.S. Monday at 31 weeks 6 days I measured 40 weeks.

Countdown to twins

Dear Journal,

Even though it's 64 days until the babies are due, my doctor said he wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks. At 38 weeks, if Baby A is in position, he'll induce me then. If at 37 weeks he notices that Baby A is breach, he'll schedule a C-section for 38 weeks.

Anyways, 38 weeks is exactly 50 days from today. Yeah!!!!!!! There's an end in sight.



P.S. 38 weeks and 1 day would be September 9, 2009. Wouldn't that be a cool birthday?

One day I'll look back and find this interesting

Today I decided to see how big around I am at my largest-- which happens to be my belly button. Are you ready? I'm 3" bigger around than Pookie is tall.

"Man girl, you huge! You chunky!"

Can you name the movie quoted in the title?

Today I had an ultrasound. Today at 28 weeks and 1 day the measurements are:

Baby A: 29 weeks 2 days and sitting breach
Baby B: 29 weeks 3 days and laying transverse right under my ribs

So I realized why I look so huge and completely full term and cannot sleep and have SOME pain constantly to mention. I have never before in my life been this big weightwise or bellywise.

Pookie was my pregnancy closest to term at 37 weeks and 5 days. Today I measure larger than 38 1/2 weeks. I feel validated.

Thank you doc.



P.S. The babies are sharing the same placenta. The doctor's words. "Monochorionic Diamniotic pregnancy." Have some fun looking that up.

Yes ma'am, 28 weeks.

It's official. I look full-term. I feel it. I have two skirts and one pair of pajama pants that fit. Two shirts are still trustworthy enough to stay down over my belly. Yesterday I bought a pair of men's size 10 sandals. MEN'S size 10! They will look lovely with my church clothes.

At the BX yesterday, when I bought the sandals, the cashier asked me how far along I was. She definitely does not have a poker face. So I felt the need to share with her that I'm carrying twins. She looked so relieved and said, "I thought you were nine months already. You look like you are." Oh really? Cuz I hadn't noticed. Now let me just switch my cankles and caveman feet into these petite little shoes I bought. Thankyouverymuch.

I found my camera. But my computer doesn't yet have the software on it to download the pics. Or is it upload? I never know. Be relieved though. You may lose your lunch seeing my profile.

Annoying Pregnancy Symptom #1047

I can't breathe.

In the daytime, it's not so bad if I stand up to do things and walk around. That however, creates other issues like backache, swollen feet, Braxton-Hicks, round ligament pain, and IMS (irritable mommy syndrome). But my main concern is trying to breathe while sleeping. Babies are squishing my lungs . . . and everything else in there.

Please leave any and all advice that you've ever heard of or worked for yourself on how to sleep and breathe at the same time. I'm all ears. and babies.

Just 97 days to go . . .

I just called my doctor's office and told them that I had a nightmare last night and so I was calling with a question.

"Okay," said the nurse inquisitively.

"Do you have epidurals at the local hospital?"

"No, not epidurals," she replied.

My heart skipped a beat.

Trying desperately not to burst into tears I said, "Well what do you do?"

She explained to me something called an ITN.

I asked her, "Does that work long enough to get two babies out and me not feel a thing?"

Her comforting reply, "I hope so."

Monday Preggo Musings and Word Count

I can't see my feet anymore. I thought about scrubbing them today in the shower and decided, "Who cares?" The soap and water that pass my feet while I'm showering should be sufficient enough for them, right?

Yesterday in church I could NOT get comfortable until I slipped off my sandals and sat with my left foot tucked under my right thigh-- kind of like half cross-legged in a pew. Then my right foot could just barely touch the ground with my toes and started to lose feeling until I found relief in placing my foot on Danny's foot. He sure has shiny black shoes. I love that every Monday in the Air Force he has to wear his blues with his shiny black shoes. So since he has to wear the shoes for Monday, he wears them on Sunday too. Where was I? Oh yes. I had a long stretchy skirt on that covered all signs of immodesty. I felt like the twins were having a fist fight. Occasionally my bladder was a casualty and I found the need to bolt out of Sunday School to the bathroom to piddle out approximately 1 teaspoon. I was so grateful to have the diaper bag with me in Sunday School because when the "I'm starving to death!" pangs hit me, I munched on Goldfish and Fruit Snacks. I really REALLY wanted to drink the Ensure I had in there, but didn't think I could do that on the sly in the chapel. Maybe if I had a straw . . .

So, I have been gaining weight! I am up three pounds over my first appointment weight. And I am super excited about it because I'm hoping it makes for nice robust baby boys-- not just back fat. Speaking of back fat, you know the small of your back? I swear my small of my back is getting thicker. I like to speculate it is just to keep the boys from busting out of me before the right time.

I've been alternating between sleeping in the recliner (which is right next to my bed) and my bed. I have to get up to use the bathroom about three or four times a night and it is MUCH easier to get up from the recliner. I find I have a lot of round ligament pain when I lay back down in bed after using the bathroom. But, the main thing I don't like about sleeping in the recliner is it seems to give me much more painful carpal tunnel symptoms versus when I sleep in my bed. So sometimes I sleep in my bed for a third of the night and in the chair two-thirds. But I miss my pillow when I sleep in the chair. It doesn't work out very well.

If you are the first person to tell me how many words in this post, you win a pair of beaded socks in the color and size of your choice.



P.S. The title and the P.S. don't count for the word count. But, it happens to be the same number as what post number this is. muhahaha! Sheesh I'm bored.