These are not the droids you are looking for.

I have learned recently (mostly through lurking hahaha) that my blog is read in more places than I thought. And read by people I even know *gasp* in REAL LIFE.

So, it's time for another friendly reminder to those that may have joined the Pookieville readers within the last six month or so:

Our children's names have been changed amongst bloggityville to protect them. If you are among the privileged that know their real names, you can insert their name into the post you're reading at the time.

Pookie-- 6 1/2 year old boy
Gabbers-- 4 1/2 year old chatterbox girl
Bun-- almost 3 year old boy (also referred to as Chubbalicious or Bun-Bun the great)
Ham-- 1 year old boy (also referred to as Hammie)

and haven't figured out an alias for the unborn child yet.

Our last name is not ever referred to. If you would like to link to us on your blog, please use something anonymous like:

Nikki & Danny
Pookieville
Life in Pookieville
my nerdy friend Nikki from high school's blog

Occasionally, like maybe once a year, you will see a photo of me or Danny. maybe. It will not have our name on the photo. If you choose to post pictures of us, because you for whatever reason may have some, please don't include our last name or our children's real names in the picture name.

If you forget and accidentally spill the beans in a comment, it will get deleted. But I don't want that to happen. Because I LOVE my comments. I read everyone. twelve times a day.

That is all.

Dental Zzzzz

I went to the dentist today to have two broken teeth fixed. I fell asleep in the chair and snored myself back awake. I win.

Ew.

My house smells like poop.

A birth story and a birthday

One year ago today I woke in my hospital bed to a very strong contraction. It was 6 a.m. It was Mother's Day. I had been in there for a full week trying to prevent Ham from coming too early. I paged the nurse and she told me to time a couple contractions. They were 8 minutes apart. At 6:40 a.m. I called Danny and said, "You better come to the hospital. We're having a baby today." This was news to Danny since just the day before things looked good and they were going to send me back home to be on bedrest for a couple more weeks. At 6:48 a.m. I paged the nurse again. "They are exactly 8 minutes apart," I told her. She replied, "Well, that's not so bad, we'll watch them." Eight minutes later, I paged again and asked for some painkiller. Then she decided she should check my cervix if I thought I needed painkiller. I was 5 centimeters dilated. She told me she'd let the doctor know when he came out of a C-section and he would decide what to do.

I was livid. No painkiller came my way. Danny wasn't there yet. I called my mom, but she was asleep and so my dad talked to me. Then I called back to Danny again. He was just getting out of the shower and his mom who was there taking care of the kids and house talked to me for about three more contractions. Not having the nerve to tell her I was in excruciating pain, I listened to her horror birth stories of friends and some of her own painful birth experiences. That actually helped a lot.

Danny finally arrived. I paged the nurse now with every contraction-- which were like four minutes apart at this point. They stopped coming in to check on me. So, I may have let out the occasional HEY! I'm in pain! Can SOMEBODY help me?? maybe. And I might have said to Danny, "If you don't stop talking I'm going to crack you like an emesis basin!"

I was so upset because they wouldn't allow me to walk around. I was still hooked up to the magnesium that was supposed to stop contractions. The nurses and others that they sent in to me with messages said that I could only get up to use the bathroom. So I did. I felt like if I could just walk a little, I'd feel better. I thought if I could have a bowel movement (sorry folks) then the contractions would stop and I could go back to sleep. But it just wasn't happening. I'd tinkle and teeny-tiny bit. Then hobble back to the bed, only to crawl back up it with every contraction.

Then SUPER-NURSE came in. Sadly, I don't remember her name. It's probably in Ham's baby book though. She was awesome. She was exactly the kind of nurse I needed.

First thing she said was, "Hi I'm (insert nurse's name). I'm your nurse for the next shift. Anything I can get you?" I said, "Yes. DRUGS. now. please." Then Danny chimed in with a helpful comment like, "She seems to be having contractions that are getting closer." Then SN (Super-Nurse) said, "Hmm... well let's check your cervix. It says here that last night it was a 3 and there hasn't been much activity. Then this morning maybe a 5." Then she checked my cervix. And she checked it through a contraction. And I was so insanely annoyed that I secretly prayed my water would break on her. But it didn't. When she was done with checking, she started rushing about the room opening things, rearranging lights and mirrors, and bassinet things and snot-sucker stuff. Then we had a fun conversation:

Me: Umm... SN? What's going on? What am I dilated to?

SN: Doctor On-call will be in here shortly. He will scrub and then break your water. You will then push probably one or two times. The baby's head will come out. Then you stop pushing while he clears the mouth and nose. Then push probably once or twice more for the shoulders and the rest of the body will follow.

Me: WHAT?!! NO! I need my epidural! I want an epidural! I signed the sheet! Don't break my water! The baby will come too fast and there won't be time.

SN: Honey, there isn't time. You're going to have to suck it up. (word for word I tell ya) You can do this. When I tell you to breathe, you look at my face and breathe like this.

Me: No. I don't know how to have a baby without drugs. NO. I'll die.

SN: You'll be fine. You can do this. Women have been giving birth without drugs for thousands of years.

Me: And women die all the time in childbirth!!!

SN: Not from the pain honey.

The doctor came in and he did exactly as SN had described-- despite my efforts to beg him for drugs of ANY SORT, REALLY! Then, unbelievably in a push and a half-- with no stopping-- because my body simply would not allow it, Ham came flying out with a somersault. Doctor said, "Whoa!" Danny had a look of relief that the doc caught the flying baby. And....drumroll please .... I didn't die. That was 8:49 a.m. There he was 6 lbs. 12 oz. 19 1/2 inches long and 5 1/2 weeks early.

So, it can be done. I think we'll try that again the end of this year with baby #5. But hopefully there will be no bedrest and unnecessary hospitalizations before she comes. Yeah, we're thinking a girl. But who knows. It's only like the size of a lima bean right now.

Happy Birthday Ham!

Some things I want to remember:

You have wavy blonde hair that curls up in the back and on the sides. Right now I think you look like your cousin Isley-- but with blonde hair instead of red- and she has more teeth.

You love to laugh and giggle.

You say, "Momma, Dada, & giggle" and other random squeals and screams. Today it sounded like you said the word, "Birtday."

You love to nurse-- despite my efforts to wean you.

You love to cuddle. Your favorite thing to cuddle (other than me) is your soft fleece- tied blanket. I had to hide it away today and wash it because it smelled so bad. You were okay with that though until it was nap time. Then we used a substitution blanky.

You are a climber. You want to walk, but don't quite fully crawl. You have a very fast, very low-to-the-ground crawl.

You think it's really funny when I sniff you around your ears and neck. And your giggles are therapeutic. All my troubles fade away when my children laugh.

Today you had cake! You tried to pick up the sprinkles with your cute little pincer-grasp. When that didn't work and you had frosting on your fingers, you looked at me for approval and then stuck them in your mouth. The look of surprise and glee was so sweet. Then you started pulling off bigger pieces from your cake piece and stuffing them in your mouth. Good thing you were stripped down to your diaper. When Danny took the other kids out to play, I decided to give you a bath. The carrot cake had hardened into a cement-like consistency. So I let you play for a while until it softened up and started floating around the bath water.

You enjoyed opening your presents-- as did your helpful siblings. They had as much fun as you, keeping it a surprise and helping to blow up balloons. They sang all the birthday songs they knew today, and all day long as well.

Happy Birthday baby Ham. I love you!

Bun animal review

Bun took a late, late nap yesterday, and consequently stayed up late. As Bun and I sat on the couch cuddling around 10 p.m., I asked him some questions:

me: Bun, what does a cow say?
Bun: Moo!

me: You're right. What does a duck say?
Bun: quack-quack

me: Ooh! What does a sheep say?
Bun: baaaaaa

me: What does a horse say?
Bun: *whinnying sound*

me: What does an elephant say?
Bun: *attempted elephant sound* with arm-trunk motion

me: What does a bird say?
Bun: tweet tweet

me: What does a chicken say?
Bun: bok-bok

me: What does a turkey say?
Bun: *raises one eyebrow* hmm... no you eat! *then makes eat sign*

Pass the Peas

Thank you everyone. I retested yesterday but with a urine test at lab. It was positive. They looked up last week's test-- which was also positive. But it has to be higher than a certain number for them to tell the patient it's positive. Very frustrating. I was like, "Look. I know I'm pregnant. I want you to do both tests. Or tell me what's wrong with me."

All is well. Baby cookin'.

warning: A VERY female post

Girl folk, I'm having issues.

I'm not very far along in this pregnancy. IF I'm pregnant I'm due around Christmas. I thought I was. Three digital home pregnancy tests say that I am-- one of which was taken yesterday. But the blood pregnancy test taken at the base clinic on Friday came back negative. The nurse told me I could come in and retake the blood test or come in and take the urine test.

I called my OB and the nurse said she'd ask someone. She came back to the phone and relayed this message from the midwife, "It's possible you didn't take the test properly," (you know, because I have yet to master the art of peeing on a stick), "or the tests might have been old." No. I read the instructions every. single. time. I follow them exact. They didn't expire until 2009. I bought them. Took them home. Kept them in a dark, cool closet. Took the first test just 6 hours later. They are digital home pregnancy tests. There was no question about faint lines or evaporation lines or anything. It said, "PREGNANT."

I'm thinking about taking all the kids with me every day to the clinic for a blood AND urine test until someone proves something about my symptoms and my home tests.

Now everyone in the world and my ward knows I'm pregnant. My period is very late. I'm ornery and exhausted and nauseas and having nightmares already. And I'm not pregnant. Or am I?

It's no mystery to me!

I have never been very fond of keeping secrets. It's not that I like to spoil things. I just want others to be as excited as I am about things. Proper etiquette asks otherwise. Proper etiquette says that there is a time and place for everything. I suppose secrets go into that. Going to church on Sunday is especially entertaining when teaching the Sunbeams. They simply have to share all sorts of secrets. I enjoy their spontaneous kiddie kwips-- and consider adding them to our very own kiddie kwips here. There's a number of things I learn that make me smile a little bit more on Sundays. This coming week Danny and I are teaching the Sunbeams again. We LOVE to volunteer in Primary. I'm sure the presidency is grateful for our help too. Our secret with the little ones? Animal crackers, crayons, and baby Ham to entertain them with giggles. Can you believe it? Ham is going to be one year old in less than two weeks! That cute little chunk is a climber. I guess I need to start on the pinata. He's getting recycled toys for his gift. I'll post about that later. And if I have anyone left, or even just for you Dad, I'll be posting kid pictures this weekend. They've all be growing like crazy!

And if you didn't catch the mysterious hidden clue... stay tuned for future clues.

I don't deserve this.

Cristtin gave me this bloggy award two weeks ago! Obviously I don't deserve it if it took me two weeks to post. But thank you Cristtin. I will add it to my sidebar to my limited bloggy awards. :) I also would like to award it to Lady Lyn from After the Happily Ever After, Four Jedi's Alli (you think her blog is cool? you should see her in real life!), and of course myfriendconnie at Smockity Frocks. These girls are truly Super Bloggers!

Thanks Cristtin. :p

Kiddie Kwips

May 21, 2008: Today I bought my children cotton candy while at the zoo. Now that we’re home, they’re eating the rest of it.

Pookie (6 yrs.) telling Gabbers, "I think I’m having a meltdown. If you eat too much sugar, you have a meltdown." Gabbers (4 1/2 yrs), intrigued, "That’s what God said?" Pookie reply, "Probably. And I think I’m having a meltdown right now."

April 18, 2008: I (Nikki) was explaining some homonyms and their spellings to Pookie (6 yrs) while drinking a Mt. Dew for my migraine. I accidentally burped and he wrinkled up his nose and said, "Mommy, you smell like caffeine. ew."

April 14, 2008: Pookie (6 yrs) "What happens if a bee doesn't think bee-ish?" Gabbers (4 1/2 yrs) answering in a dontcha-know? sort of way, "They'll turn into a people!"

March 13, 2008: Gabbers (4 yrs), "We are not chocolate. But there is chocolate inside our bones because we ate it. The chocolate. "

March 12, 2008: (In regards to birthmarks) Pookie (6 yrs.) lamenting, "I wanted an angel kiss on my forehead." Gabbers (4 yrs.) joining in the lamenting, "I wanted an angel kiss on my bum." Mommy explaining, "You do have one on your bum. You're the only one with a bum angel kiss." *Big smile from Gabbers.*

March 3, 2008: Pookie (6 yrs.) explaining to me why he was trying to take a toy away from Bun (2 1/2 yrs), "He doesn't understand what I say. I said, 'It's not yours, it's mine. But all he heard was yours.'"

February 28, 2008: Pookie said right after accidentally kissing Gabbers on the lips, "Oh, I don't feel well. I think I'm going to throw up."

February 26, 2008: Bun said to me, "Mommy, Mooly has love in him, huh? You fix my Mooly."

January 4, 2008: Pookie is very excitedly preparing for his pirate (family) birthday party. I overheard him explaining to Gabbers, "If I'm going to be captain. I've got to be scurvy and walk the plank." She replied, "Argh."

January 3, 2008: Bun was searching through the snack cupboard. Me: Bun, go sit at the table if you want pretzels. Bun: Okay! (runs to the table crazy-happy-like) Hey, Pookie, you want pretzels? Pookie: No. Bun: HEY POOKIE, YOU WANT PRETZELS?! Pookie: I said NO, Bun. Bun (in authoritative voice): Hey, no talka me like that!

December 27, 2007: Gabbers came down the stairs with much concern furrowed into her brow and said, "Momma, Bun just turned on the nudifier!" So, I had her repeat a few times, "hyoo-mid-uh-fahy-er."

November 6, 2007: Pookie & Gabbers were shopping with me in the shampoo aisle at Wal-Mart tonight with Danny a couple aisles away with Ham & Bun. Pookie said, "Mommy, it's boring shopping with you. But I still love you," and gave me a big hug.

November 6, 2007: 5 1/2 yr. old Pookie trying yet again to reach the light to the basement, "I can't reach the light." Helpful 4 yr. old Gabbers replies, "Stand on your tip-toes!" Pookie responds, "I did! That's how high my tip-toes go."

October 20, 2007: 5 1/2 yr. old Pookie (observing Danny's receding hairline): "Daddy, why did Heavenly Father and Jesus make your hair look like horns?"

October 18, 2007: (3 days away from 4 yrs.) Gabbers to Danny about the honey chicken wings: "Don’t eat the bones!" Danny: "Why not?" Gabbers: "They’re very not good for our bodies. We already have good bones in our body!"

October 5, 2007: (3 yrs. 11 months) Gabbers mentioned to me about 7 p.m. tonight, "Momma, it's bedtime!" I said, "I know, but we have friends over for a special night. So we'll go to bed later."An hour later, after the kid movie was over, Pookie says, "I'm going to look outside. Oh! It's dark outside." Gabbers says, "I know Pookie! It's because it's bedtime. I've been telling Momma now for FOUR YEARS!"

September 26, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs. 11 months) said, "Momma, babies don't like to be incognito. Cuz then they could stop breathing.

September 7, 2007: Gabbers (3 1/2 yrs.) with her hands on her hips, "Bun! (2 yrs.) You are being un-obedient!"

August 19, 2007: Pookie (5 1/2 yrs.): "Hey Gabbers, that's my slipper!" Gabbers (3 1/2 yrs.): "But I am borrowing it Pookie." Pookie, after a short pause: "But you are done borrowing it." Gabbers: "Oh," (pause) "Well, what are we waiting for?" Promptly takes off slipper and hands it to Pookie.

August 12, 2007: Pookie (5 1/2 yrs.) asking Gabbers (3 1/2 yrs.), "How do you spell BAD Gabbers?" Gabbers responding, "B-A-D." Pookie surprised, "How do you KNOW these things Gabbers?!"

July 28, 2007: Pookie (5 1/2 yrs.) inquiring sincerely, "Mommy, now it's Bun's (second) birthday, why isn't he talking yet?"

June 19, 2007: Bun (22 months) asking sweetly right before bed, "Mommy, I need a dwink." Me responding, "You need a drink, huh?" Bun: "A dwink." Me: "Okay, after I finish folding these clothes." "No! Mommy, (pausing for effect and holding up one finger) One . . . Two . . . Fwee!"

June 7, 2007: Bun (22 months) spotted me eating a Snickerdoodle cookie and had to have one. After one bite he broke the rest into small pieces, tossed it on the floor and said sternly (to the cookie bits), "Settle down boys!"

May 29, 2007: In the bathroom at AppleBee's after washing (22 month old) Bun's hands and face he noticed the background music when I turned the water off. Bun started dancing around and said, "Check it out! It musak!"

May 2, 2007: On the way to the doctor for coughs and runny noses Gabbers (3 1/2 yrs.) exclaims, "We will get a lollipop if we get shot." Danny responds, "I think this doctor gives out stickers." Gabbers elated, "That's great! That's very kind of the doctors!"

April 12, 2007: Not sure what I was overhearing, but Pookie (5 yrs.) said to Gabbers (3 yrs.), "I'm not like other Pookies."

April 10, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.) observing that Bun (20 months) was climbing out of his playpen, “Oh no! Baby’s going to fall on his head!” Then after Bun safely climbed out and landed on the couch Pookie said all flustered, “Oh… lizard blizzard!”

April 10, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) was playing the higher notes on the piano and singing, “If you like to sing . . . I love my family. . .” Bun (20 months) came up to her and said, “What? What?! What dat cwazy song?”

April 7, 2007: While Pookie (5 yrs.) and Gabbers (3 yrs.) were watching the morphing mommy-belly wiggle and kick, Pookie says, "Mommy, how does the baby come out of your tummy?" Gabbers quickly responds, "Pookie, the baby just pops out!"

March 22, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) noticing I braided my hair, "Mommy! What did you do to your hair?! It looks like a rope!"

March 22, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) sharing a joke with Bun (19 1/2 months), "Knock-knock baby." Bun playing along, "Who's dere?" Gabbers, "Chair." Bun looking bewildered and then finally replies, "Dat's funny."

March 19, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.) explaining to Gabbers (3 yrs.), "They're taking our trash away." Gabbers, "Why?" Pookie, "Because we used it up. See, they're putting it in there." Gabbers, "Why?" Pookie, "That's where it goes." Gabbers, "It makes me mad."

March 17, 2007: I asked Gabbers (3 yrs.), "What are you and Bun (19 1/2 months) eating and drooling all over?" Gabbers responded, "Oh, it's just cold Hot Tamales. Cuz they are yummy." Danny translated, "Mike & Ikes."

March 9, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.), standing as tall as possible, says, “Gabbers, come here and we’ll see how big you are.” Gabbers (3 yrs.) responds, “Oh, I’m just little.” Pookie outraged, “Gabbers! Don’t say that! You’re medium-sized!”

March 8, 2007: Interviewing Gabbers (3 yrs.) for our spotlight program in primary (at church) I asked, "Gabbers, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Gabbers said, "A kitty." Okay. "Gabbers what is your favorite Bible or Book of Mormon story?" Gabbers said, "The carrot. Or maybe the lion's den." Too many Veggietales?

March 5, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.) chasing Gabbers (3 yrs.) around the couch in circles, “Gabbers, Gabbers! Now I’m God and you have to follow in my footsteps.”

March 2, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) begging, “Mommy, can I please see the wittle baby in your tummy? I pwomise I will be very careful. Oh please!”

March 1, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) counting for hide-and-seek, “12, 13, 14, 17,” and Pookie (5 yrs.) interrupts, “That’s not how you count!” Gabbers responds, “But why?” Pookie answers, “Because . . . uh, you start at one!”

February 27, 2007: Evaluator at school assessing Gabbers (3 yrs.) for speech delays, “Gabbers, where do cows live?” Gabbers responded in a don’t-you-know sort of way, “In California!”

February 26, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) and Pookie (5 yrs.) climbed into my bed with me with a couple books after they woke up from their naps. Gabbers turned to me and said, “Momma, I will grow up big into a mommy and Pookie will grow up big into a daddy, and Bun will grow up big into a daddy, and you will grow little into a Gabbers. Okay?”

February 21, 2007: After spinning around and around in little circles with her arms out to her side, Gabbers (3 yrs.) said, “I’m turning into a butterpwy. But I can’t pwy without my wings!”

February 19, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) is sitting in highchair coloring and Pookie (5 yrs.) is standing next to her (at highchair) coloring as well. Danny and I overhear Gabbers say, “Pookie. Look at my face! Do I look happy? Well I’m not. I’m mad! Gimme back my cwayon!”

February 17, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) to Pookie (5 yrs.) at dining table right after being served pizza, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pookie?” Hmm…

February 7, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) explaining where her toast went, "I ate my toast. It’s in my tummy. But I can’t see my toast because it’s very dark in my mouth."

February 6, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.)begging desperately, "Mommy, can you please find me a banana? Because I really want some potassium!"

February 1, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.), listening to the record Camptown Races on toy record player, “Mommy, I’m playing Doo-Dah Day!”

January 31, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) waving her hand slowly in front of my face, "Open da Mommy Store." After the "force" not working, she tries again, "Da Mommy Store is open!" And no, she has never seen Star Wars.

January 24, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.) lamenting to Mommy, "I will be sad when I die and go to heaven and I can’t take Fuzzy, my pillow, and blue blankey with me."

January 23, 2007: Cashier at the commissary glancing at children, and then at the pregnant belly, "Are they ALL yours?"

June 15, 2005: Gabbers (20 months) threw all her raisins and banana slices on the floor and looked at me and said, "Oh, Gabbers! What you do?"

June 12, 2005: I was drying (3 1/2 yr. old) Pookie's hair really fast with his towel and he goes, "Mommy! Stop drying me in your dangerous way!"