First of all, we don't know his name or where he lives.
Second, he threatened my Hammy too.
Third, I'm debating on making cookies and trying to turn him into a friend. I'm scared. I'm a chicken. But I recently acquired a really REALLY awesome chocolate chip cookie recipe that's better than this one I posted three years ago. And I'll share it with you if you help us fix this problem. ;)
Anymore advice? Pleeeeease????
16 comments:
Let those momma bear claws fly!
Explain to your boys before you go to the park that, unfortunately, not all kids have as nice of mommies and daddies as you and Danny. Help them feel loved and remind them that sometimes people say things that they don't fully understand because they're scared or uncomfortable, and dominance is how they cope with stress. Then, take your cookies with you to the park. If the kid is there, approach him right away and say, "Hello! I'm Nikki, Pookie and Hammy's mom. I have brought some cookies with me to share with friends at the park. Would it be alright with your mom and dad if you had one?"
If the kid says one IOTA mean, you march right up to him and say, "I am extremely disappointed in you. We came here to this public park, where all kids are allowed to play and have fun, and you have been nothing but mean. We tried to be nice to you, but you were still unkind. I cannot allow you to treat my family unkindly. If you are mean again, I will call the park service authorities."
And then you get some friend in on the deal to come over in an official-looking polo shirt and khaki pants and sunglasses. And the friend says, "Young man, this park has been especially designed to accommodate all the neighborhood children. Unkindness is strictly not tolerated. Where are your parents? What is your phone number? If you won't give them to me, can you take home this citation?" and then they pull out this official-looking document saying: "Dear parents of the mean kid on our block, In recent days and weeks, you child has made life miserable for the rest of us. We have tried to ask him politely to stop and he continues to use words that a young kid shouldn't even know, let alone say. We would ask you to please encourage your child to use appropriate behavior, or keep him home where he won't hurt other kids. Also, please come to the park with him so that you can monitor his situation better."
Now... if THAT doesn't work, then scold the kid soundly yourself! Tell him that this park has rules about behavior and that he needs to obey them or go home. Remember to praise your own kids openly and often, and any other children there that have good behavior. Power of positive parenting! And if it gets even more horrible, like the kid gets violent, don't hesitate to call the actual police on harassment charges. That'll end it.
(This should have been THREE comments!)
I totally second what Lisa said! And if that doesn't work, squash him like the stink-bug he is.
I agree with Lisa too...and if nothing that she said works I would call and ask that a police officer come and talk to the kid.
My parents did that once and it scared the kid so bad he was never mean again!
Have you ever read the children's book "Enemy Pie"? It is a great one and might help you with your concern.
My only concern.... well is if he is mean it be that his parents are mean also. if you give him some sort of citation or something his could be potentially abused. not all parents are nice.
I honestly would confront him and if that didn't work I would go straight to his parents and be firm with them about what is going on. I'm also not comfortable with lying as a first resort...
but that's me...
Nikki,
This will not be the last time your children have to deal with bullies (unfortunately). Make your first priority to teach them how to handle such situations. Get your children in on the "game plan" for dealing with this bully. Of course, you want to show as much respect to the other child as possible, but YOUR kids are the main concern here. No one else is going to help them through this, so it's gotta be you! You can do it! I'll be your cheerleader in the background. Just picture me doing jumping jacks and cartwheels (or not, as you please), and yelling, "Go,go! Fight, fight! Win, win!" Not that we want to teach your kids to fight, but in this situation, you DO have to "fight" for your kids, however you choose to handle it.
I think your idea if making cookies is quite befitting your personal "style" of approach to such a conflict. Your tactic has to work for you and your family... something that your kiddos can use as an example, and at the same time feel they were supported by their wonderful momma.
You are a fantastic mother (isn't my adoration implied by my blogstalking?), and you have the capacity, intelligence, and the right as a steward for these children to know what they need. You CAN do this!!! Now, I'll go find my pom-poms.
Go to the parents. If this is the second or more time that this kid has been doing it, it's to to talk with them about it.
I'veonly dealt with a bully once.. and it wasn't even concerning my kid! I was with a friend and an older boy was bullying er boys. Pulling at their shirts and saying mean things. I went to the kid first. Mostly because I wante to the bullying to stop immediately and not while I searched for the mom. He also wouldn't take me to his mom, so I started shouting out for her, "Whose child is this?!" and that sort of embarassed him, but that's what you gt for dodging authority. His mom was not nice and didn't believe us, or at least just backed up her son. Can you belive that?! SO you never know what you're going to get out of the parents.
I think it's inportant to confront the child as the mother. If your child has said stop or that they don't like that then I feel I need to show my child I will step in and help them when something bad is happening for them. it shows by example how to stand up for yourself (doing it respectfully, yet firmly), as well as not letting bad things happen to good people.
I wouldn't be a chicken..otherwise the bully won. Be there, be present, and let him know you won't allow him to continue scaring off children.
How old is this child, by the way?
Being mean is a learned behavior. If he is mean, that tells me someone is being mean to him. Maybe his parents, maybe siblings, maybe friends at school...
A wise person once told me that you catch more bees with honey than you do vinegar.
Make him cookies and teach him what kindness is. Let your children see you teaching him kindness. Teach him together.
It just may be the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him.
Ok, I want the recipe!
Hey Nikki, thanks for stopping by my blog! Nice to meet you. I read up a little on your playground bully, and I think if I wasn't able to talk to his parents (is he alone at the park?), then I would tell him, very firmly, that he's out of line and you won't tolerate it.
He might just laugh in your face, but he also might be intimidated to have an adult confront him, and he might behave better. A lot depends on his age, too. Is he a little kid acting out, or a big kid deliberately threatening others?
My first instinct would actually be to take my kids elsewhere to play, but I realize that's not really solving the problem. Darn it. I hope you get it resolved!
I say you bring over your delicious cookies to the park....then joke with the mom...saying..I thought we should be friends & then maybe your little boy won't be my kids up..hahhahahah!
NOBODY touches my HAMMY!
Thank you to everyone for the great tips! It's turning out that this situation is much bigger than we thought.
The boy who is usually accompanied with a friend look about the age of 11. They arrive at the playground without parents. They've threatened and hurt a few other neighborhood kids as well.
Ooh...maybe this is a job for Dad. Seriously. If he's a physically threatening bully, he might not care about a bunch of moms. I've seen my husband do things I couldn't with out-of-control kids, just by virtue of being a man, you know?
I would even consider following him home to see where he lives, then talk to his parents, who might be completely unaware of how he's acting. But I wouldn't do that alone. They could be wack jobs for all you know. Maybe a group of neighborhood dads would be effective?
I agree with Denise. They should't be aloud to continue down this path. I could escalate to something even scarier.
Curses, Cheeseboy beat me to my recommendation! There's also a good song from Craig Taubman's album, "Rockin' Toontown" entitled Do Bullies Have Mommies?
It is an upbeat rock song sung with Goofy, Mickey, and several other Disney characters. I don't know if it will help, but it carries a message saying that bullies just need friends, too. I looked online for the album but it's no longer available. I bought a copy fifteen years ago. If you want that track, let me know. teachinfourth at yahoo.
Good luck!
You've already done the most important thing - that is to teach your kids what to do when a bully approaches or encroaches. The cookie approach sounds good to me, but I love the "park police" idea - it might work! Most bullies are really cowards at heart
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