Definitions

Poop – excrement

Excrement – waste matter, especially fecal matter, that is expelled from the body after digestion

Feces – waste matter discharged from the intestines through the anus

Conundrum – a paradoxical , insoluble, or difficult problem; a dilemma

Poop Conundrum – Finding yourself occupying your left hand with holding your infant’s feet in the air (and bum off the carpet) whilst employing the right to secure the infant’s hand which has quite unfortunately come into direct contact with waste matter discharged from the intestines through the anus, which hitherto had been contained to the back, bum, crotch, thighs, legs, ankles, and one heel of the child.

Poop Conundrum Solution – Convincing your smirking spouse to stop dry heaving and laughing long enough to wrap the fecally infected appendage in a cloth diaper to avoid facial contamination and to collect enough baby wipes to clean a small elephant’s buttocks.

Spouse – gift sent from heaven to find the humor in disquieting moments and keep their partner from toppling over the edge of reason into an endless abyss of insanity