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Saturday, March 10, 2012

Just something on my mind today

About 6:30 a.m. as I was cuddling Danny before he had to leave for work to do some deployment readiness tests, I realized that he was't going to be there for my c-section.  I knew when we learned of his deployment that he wouldn't be here for the baby's birth, but it didn't click that I'd be enduring a c-section alone. 

I started bawling.  I tried to stifle it so I wouldn't wake the three sleeping children in our room.  But you know what happens when you're bawling and try to stop it?  The ugly cry.  It got ugly.  So then I just tried to quiet it with my blanket. 

Remember my first c-section-- the twin birth story?  I know not every c-section is like that.  But I was pretty traumatized.  And even though through Peach's c-section I was numb, it was still uncomfortable after she was pulled out and they were shoving my guts all around and pressing on my lungs rearranging things and whatnot.  I didn't want to do that alone. 
Danny's mom has talked about probably being able to come when the baby is born.  But she would be with the other 7 kids.  And whether or not Danny could connect with me via Skype, I wasn't sure my doctor would allow it.  And I can't squeeze Danny's hand over the computer. 

So I called family.  I am hoping my older sister can be with me.  As much as I love my ward and neighbors, I don't want them to see my guts.  Haha!  I actually don't think I'd be comfortable with their presence.  But I think Leslie can handle it.  I hope anyway.  Maybe if the doctor approves using Skype in the operating room Leslie can hold the computer.  That's also assuming it's a good day to connect with Danny.  *fingers crossed*

8 comments:

timothy allen said...

aw... i hope Leslie can be there. No one want to go into surgery alone. :(

timothy allen said...

Ack! Tim is signed in .... it's really me... Amy!

Melessa said...

I wouldn't want my ward to see my guts either. But I hope your sister can be there.

Leslie said...

Well, since you were there when Christian was born and saw all sorts of undesirable stuff, I figure it's about time I get to return the favor! Ha ha!

Okay, all joking aside, I'd be bawling too and I pretty much feel like bawling just thinking about you having to go through that alone (and all the other stressful deployment and pregnancy stuff). It's weird that I didn't think of it sooner myself but as soon as you asked today, I instantly knew that's what I should do. I'm looking forward to being there for the baby's birth and also to get to help you out for a while and spend time with you and the kiddoes.

Sarah said...

how about we watch you kids and then you can have any family available with you?
we can do that no problemo!

FluffyChicky said...

I wish I could help somehow. Not having Danny there is going to suck and I am sorry for that. I know it sounds cliche, but things will work out somehow and everything will be OK. *hugs*

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

I'm so glad you've got Leslie. I'm surprised by Danny's short notice. Wow.

MaryRuth said...

I'm so sorry... nobody should have to endure a c-section alone... I had to do my first alone (fast emergency)... I was so scared and anxious.... and then they knocked me out... and then I woke up and had a baby... it turned out ok... but it doesn't mean it was fun or easy.

Yay for Leslie... she'll be fabulous!

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