About 6:30 a.m. as I was cuddling Danny before he had to leave for work to do some deployment readiness tests, I realized that he was't going to be there for my c-section. I knew when we learned of his deployment that he wouldn't be here for the baby's birth, but it didn't click that I'd be enduring a c-section alone.
I started bawling. I tried to stifle it so I wouldn't wake the three sleeping children in our room. But you know what happens when you're bawling and try to stop it? The ugly cry. It got ugly. So then I just tried to quiet it with my blanket.
Remember my first c-section-- the twin birth story? I know not every c-section is like that. But I was pretty traumatized. And even though through Peach's c-section I was numb, it was still uncomfortable after she was pulled out and they were shoving my guts all around and pressing on my lungs rearranging things and whatnot. I didn't want to do that alone.
Danny's mom has talked about probably being able to come when the baby is born. But she would be with the other 7 kids. And whether or not Danny could connect with me via Skype, I wasn't sure my doctor would allow it. And I can't squeeze Danny's hand over the computer.
So I called family. I am hoping my older sister can be with me. As much as I love my ward and neighbors, I don't want them to see my guts. Haha! I actually don't think I'd be comfortable with their presence. But I think Leslie can handle it. I hope anyway. Maybe if the doctor approves using Skype in the operating room Leslie can hold the computer. That's also assuming it's a good day to connect with Danny. *fingers crossed*