In which I am grateful for what I know to be true

At 10 p.m. last night the phone rang.  And I knew what it was.  Danny paused the movie we were watching and answered the phone.  I held my breath analyzing his side of the conversation.  He seemed all business and yet solemn.  But I knew.

Picture of Grandma lifted from my sister's blog post.

My grandma passed away.  She was the only grandma I ever knew.  I hadn't seen her since my grandpa's funeral in 1999. 

• Grandma would insist on putting vitamin E on my mosquito bites.  She told me the mosquitos loved my sweet blood.
• Grandma would take her dentures out for the grandkids' pure amusement.  I'm fairly certain she never glued them in. 
• When Grandma came to visit, she'd do our laundry for us.
• I remember being amused at how loud Grandma could snore.
• I love how she affectionately called Grandpa, "Daddy."
• Grandma and I wrote letters to each other from about the time I got married (almost 13 years ago) until about 2 1/2 years ago when I was pregnant with the twins and stopped writing so often.  She wrote on a legal pad with a black sharpie most of the time.  Sometimes it was blue.  Once it was red.  On occasion she'd include recipes or newspaper stories in the letters. 
• Grandma would tell me during every phone call how proud she was that I married a return missionary. 

Just a week and a half ago, Danny and I talked about getting a plane ticket for me to go see Grandma one more time.  Grandma never met Danny or any of my kids.  But since Peach and I are joined at the hip, and Peach-aged folk fly free to Hawaii, it would be the two of us.  That was the plan. 

But it was too late. 

I know she's happy with Grandpa again.  I know she can see and she can walk.  I know that families are forever and I will see her again one day.  To her, it may seem like a short while, to me perhaps a lifetime.

So you want to have twins part II

I was sitting at the computer logging my breakfast into MFP. 

The twins Tater & Squdge were dancing around the living room to The Silly Pizza Song from Signing Time.  Eight month old Peach was crawling around innocently all cute and pink.

One of them yelled out, "Potty!"

I whipped around in my office chair to see BOTH 23-month olds with their cloth diapers half off.

I decided it was time to log out and right this situation. 

"Ooh!  Bring them here please," I said in my most convincing and sweet/you're-not-going-to-get-chastised voice.

As if it was planned, they bolted to the play room sat down and pottied on the carpet at the same time.

So help me, if you don't get better...

Darn you broken pinky toe.  You're slowing me down!  I have stuff to do!

Dear Pinky Toe,

I took you for granted just hanging out there on the side of my foot thinking you were insignificant next to the bigger ones.  I never understood your role in my balance and daily activities. I never knew how much I needed you. I had no idea how powerful you were until you turned my daily routine upside down and threw my plans out the window.

Please get better soon.

Yours TRULY,
Nikki

Too many calories, not enough time to eat them

Yesterday I posted about increasing my calories per day so I wasn't losing too much per week- thus protecting my metabolism from thinking it needs to go into starvation mode. 

But last night I found myself with loads of calories left after eating well all day.  I was trying to think of what I could eat to use those calories.  I had raw broccoli with a little cream cheese.  I made the cake bites for Bun's birthday party and had a little of that.  I had Cheetos.  I had pizza.  And I was like,

This is NOT the way to do it! If I have to eat junk food just to get enough calories according to what I thought logically would work, I'm not going to lose weight.

So, I've decided 2700 is too much.  And yes, that does include my 500 calories for nursing Peach.  But a base of 2200 is still too much. 

Then while showering this morning I just kept thinking,

I didn't need to jump a whole 500 calories a day.  I'm just going to increase it 100 calories today and reevaluate after a  day or two.

My weight loss journey

As you can see on my ticker, I've lost 12 lbs.  These 12 pounds have come off a lot faster than I anticipated and planned.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE seeing the scale drop lower every single day.  But I suspect it's affecting my metabolism, and I don't want a paralyzed metabolism.

I'm not starving.  I never feel hungry.  I have been eating between 2100-2300 calories a day.  I'm also nursing exclusively Baby Peach.  So that makes it like I'm eating 1800ish calories a day. 

I'm drinking 12-14 glasses of water a day (8 oz. glasses).

I'm keeping my sodium within the 2500 mg recommendation.  And the weight is falling off.

I've been listening to an awesome Podcast called Fat2Fit Radio.  Have you heard of it?  It's a free show and there's also a website to read about their advice and experiences.  It's educational and motivational and sensible.

Now, like I've mentioned previously, I would love to be a size 6 jeans right now, but I want to do this right.  I want to make a permanent change.  I don't want to worry about my metabolism slowing down thinking my body is in starvation mode.

After calculating my Basal Metabolic Rate and my goal body weight, I've changed my goal weight slightly to be 7 lbs. heavier than I thought it should be.  So I only have to lose a total of 78 lbs. instead of 85 lbs.  Which means 66 lbs. to go!

As far as not indulging in emotional eating, I've been talking a lot to my sister who is also using MFP (myfitnesspal.com) and to Danny, of course.  Talk, talk, talk and then there's less eating and guilt.

So, my plan for keeping my metabolism in check is to up my daily calories.  The new plan is 2700 calories.  We'll see how I feel about that in a week.

Thanks for listening.  Feel free to give your own two cents or ask questions.  :P

Summer flowing smooth? Mix it up with an unexpected party.

Sometimes when life gets too organized, I find myself dumped on with extra activities.  usually of my own doing.  But not this time.  This time I got roped into it by a very sad, mopey face with a good excuse.

A certain Bun will be turning six years old in just over two weeks.  And he wants a friend party.  This means we need to start planning in May.  And it's not May anymore people. 

I tried to tell him he can have one when he turns 8.  But he pointed out that Hammy had one and he just turned 4, and Gabbers had one too when she was 4, and HE didn't get one when he turned 4 and why not??!!

So, I told him I was hospitalized with the twins' pregnancy.  And when he was five (when we were going to try to do the party), I was pregnant with Peach. 

He looked at me and said resolutely, "Well, I want my friend party this year.  and I want a pinata and to play musical chairs."

And I couldn't answer with, "Bun dear, I'm just about full right now with swim lessons, ballet, and occupational therapy.  Not to mention Daddy has an inspection at work this month which means I'd have to plan everything myself-- which I usually do with parties but I wouldn't necessarily have the time since I'd be putting you all to bed by myself with his late nights and be limited to how much time I have in the evenings after I finally get y'all to sleep.  I think if I have to bake a cake or even have one in the home it will be detrimental to my diet.  And I'm still freaked out we got our XBOX Live account hacked into with our credit card run up and wondering if we should stop that card right now just in case.  I'm thinking you should just have a party with your siblings and maybe just go bowling." 

But I did not answer like that.  He would've glazed over like you just did.

So I've got to get me some crafty links to show me what shapes I can slap newspaper with flour and glue on and magically turn it into a fanciful child's birthday party pinata.  And invite enough kids over to march around chairs.

"You deserve a fat wife."

Did I seriously just say that?!

If you know your wife is trying to eat healthier and lose weight, it is not cool to call her up and ask her to swing by Burger King to grab a burger and fries for your dinner so you can stay late at the office.  Not cool at all. 

Nikki -  doing it +10 points, adding a guilt trip -5, not eating a single fry +5
Danny - suggesting such a temptation -10 points, saying thank you +5, staying late so he doesn't have to go in tomorrow +10

I promised not to tell him until he's finished eating his dinner how much sodium is in that Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich.  (1640 mg)

You all are too kind.

Seriously, I DO need to lose 85 pounds.  I'm not setting my goal weight as extremely low either.  And I don't have the guts to blog right now how much I weigh.  But when I'm done, I'll clue you all in and you can gasp a collected gasp of "OmigoshbutsheneverSOUNDEDthatfat."

With that said, I don't really need to lose 85 pounds anymore.  It's 77 pounds now.  Isn't that AWESOME?!

I joined MyFitnessPal.com (MFP) on June 10th.  It's a free site that you use to log your food and exercise and encourage one another.  My sister Leslie told me about it.  My initial goal when joining MFP, was to just log everything I eat for 100 days.  I wasn't going to worry about how many calories I was eating over the recommended or anything.  I was just going to write it down.  I figured it would probably cause me to eat healthier and be aware of serving sizes.

But then there were all these amazing success stories on there that inspired me to set some weight goals.  That's when I decided on my goal weight.  And I broke down the weight-loss into manageable mini-goals complete with rewards-- none of which are edible. 

This week I decided to up my water intake and learn about recommended sodium levels.  Boy were my eyes opened!  Just google "recommended sodium levels per day" and you'll see for yourself.  Just how savvy are you when it comes to recommended sodium levels?

My weakness is not sweets.  Sure I love candy and desserts and can be somewhat of a chocoholic.  But when I find myself eating and eating well beyond a reasonable serving, it usually involves savory foods.  I LOVE garlic.  I LOVE butter.  I LOVE cheese.  I LOVE pizza.  And, well, I'll just stop this food-talk or I'm going to start thinking of these things too much.  You get the point. 

There's a reason I'm fat and it's not the kids.  I was fat before Pookie was born.  I'm an emotional eater. 

So now I'm on a journey to handle my emotions better. 

I'm learning to make healthier snack and meal choices and I'm LOVING the challenge it brings.

Sure it would be awesome for the weight to just instantly come off right now and be able to wear size 6 jeans again, but I want to make this a healthy lifestyle change.  I want my kids to learn to eat healthy and to learn how to handle their emotions in a healthy manner so they don't find themselves in the same boat as an adult.

So I'm okay with not being at my goal weight yet.  I imagine in the year I've set out for myself to burn the weight off, I'm going to learn a lot about who I am and I'm going to fall in love with exercise again.

A low-cal snack with very little bite.

It's strange how tastes can change.  It wasn't until Hammy was about six weeks old that I started liking watermelon.  We were on vacation in Utah.  That was four years ago. 

And this week (maybe it's the pool time or heat of the summer) I have purchased four seedless watermelons from the commissary.  Not all at the same time, mind you.  I purchased one.  Then a couple days later the second one.  Then yesterday I decided, What the heck I have an extra fridge, why not get two??

Now I want to make this creation. 

picture from here.

Is it not the most awesomest thing you have ever seen?  It's going to make Danny laugh.  or cringe.  He has an irrational fear of sharks.  haha.