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Thursday, March 05, 2009

Weight woes and Baby fears

Dear Journal,

Today I weighed myself. I am in the red 6 pounds. That means I weigh six pounds less than I did before I got pregnant. I find this absolutely ridiculous. I started this pregnancy the same amount I weighed the day I gave birth to Ham - before I gave birth that is. My largest ever. I had lost weight after his birth and probably about 10 more pounds within the first few months. But when I miscarried last May I gained 10 pounds. And somehow between that 10 pounds, and pumpkin pie and cheesecake during the holidays, I crept back up to my full glory of weight. To which I will NOT tell you how much. You'd stop reading me. really.

Anyways, I've been reading my beloved multiples book that I previously mentioned. It talks about how very important it is to gain weight throughout the pregnancy when carrying multiples-- even when you are considered overweight or obese to begin with it has a recommended amount.

So, with the enormous amounts of foods I'm supposed to be eating- and I have been doing a pretty good job of it thankyouverymuch- I should be gaining weight right? I have four servings of vegetables, 7 servings of fruit. I try to get my two eggs and 3 servings of meat in as well. I'm eating Triscuits, and Quaker Oat Squares, and whole wheat bread, and noodles and rice. I've been having ice cream milkshakes about 5 out of 7 days a week. I drink whole milk and have been eating 6-10 oz. of yogurt a day. I've been LOADING on the sour cream on to anything it can go on. I even, and I admit, felt extremely guilty about it, put sour cream on a Smart Ones meal. You know the meals you can buy from Weight Watchers that help you with portion control? Yeah. I've indulged in cheese quesadillas smothered in guacamole and of course, copious amounts of sour cream.

So what the freaking heck?! When I WANT to lose weight I CAN'T. When I'm eating like a heart attack waiting to happen AND expecting twins, I cannot budge the scale to go in the right direction.

Today I have an OB appointment. Danny is in Alabama still. I'm scared to death that the doctor will tell me one of the twins died. Danny tells me that faith and fear cannot coexist. I've tried really hard to not have time to think about this fear. But I've already lost one baby. And I miscarried last May as well. My body hurts in ways that it hasn't with previous pregnancies. I can't wait to ask him if these are "normal pains" for a twin pregnancy. But somehow I'm a bit leery about it. I'm 11 1/2 weeks. It doesn't seem like far enough to be having growing pains. But who knows. Wish me luck. And the babies.

11 comments:

lvs2dance said...

Hey...you are making TWO little ones inside you! Of course you would be needing to eat that much food and they are obviously absorbing every ounce of it. I am sure that everything is fine and both babies are growing like little weeds. I will keep you and the babies in my prayers!

SuperCoolMom said...

You are eating healthy and eating lots. You are doing everything you can. The next thing to do is stop worrying. Turn it over to the Lord and do your share, and then come what may, you'll know it's the Lord's will. I'm sure everything will be fine and you'll be blessed with two healthy babies!

Bebe said...

You are eating, but are you keeping anything down? If you're sick and you can't keep anything down, ask about getting some Zofran. It saved me. I lost weight with all my pregnancies until I started using Zofran. If you aren't sick--just losing--just keep it up with the healthy food. You'll be ok and so will the babies!

Rach said...

your eating is making me hungry. im sure babies will be fine. we will pray for you.

Mike and Jen said...

I am absolutely wishing you luck and just so you know one thing I have learned about pregnancy is you just need to be healthy and not worry about the scale every body is different and there is no way you can be a blanket recipe out there for carrying twins! You look fabulous and you are eating for these babes so don't woory abou the rest it will work out!

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Best of luck to ALL of you, Nikki.

jenny said...

Nikki - I know the fear you feel, because I've been there with two miscarriages in the last 6 months. With the more recent one I was feeling crippled with that fear, and letting it go made life so much better. I had to give it over to God more than once, but the peace that followed each time, was definitely worth it. Even though I did end up miscarrying, having been fearful of it the whole time wouldn't have changed it.

Just know that I have been praying for you and your babies each day for a normal preganncy and healthy babies, and I will continue until the day I hear you delivered.

Good luck at the OB!

Lauramamadoula said...

because of hormonal changes, sometimes you don't pack on the weight right away during a pregnancy. and sometimes you pack on 15 lbs in the first 2 months... heh (always the opposite one of which you desire it seems! ha)

but I promise you, it has nothing to do with miscarrying one of the twins. I totally understand your worry... but please know you're weighing 6lbs less is actually totally normal. moms of multiples tend to loose some before gaining some b/c of nausea...

Brooke said...

Nikki, I'm a friend of Erin's, sorry to blog stalk, but I had twins just over a year ago and have been fascinated by your pregnancy! I'll be honest, I gained less with my twins (18lbs total) than I did with either one of my other pregnancies. I read the book that you're reading and really got down on myself about the lack of weight gain, but the babies were healthy. For the pains that you're feeling...I felt the same things! Totally random, weird and unexpected pains the whole time! :) Good luck, I'm excited for you and your family!

Bobbi said...

Girl, enjoy the banquet while it lasts! I honestly refused to worry about weight gain or loss with any of my pregnancies. You're eating. That's what's important. Also, I had pains early on in my twin pregnancy too. I had to stop jogging at like two months because my ligaments hurt so bad. Try not to stress, honey.

The Schooley's said...

I love that you just wrote that you used copius amounts of sour cream!! You are awesome!! I would not worry about the weight, it will all be fine.

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