Monday, August 29, 2011

Kiddie Kwips

November 5, 2013:  Hammy (6 1/2 years) was just about to eat an Arby's Jr. sandwich. 

He admired the sesame seeds on the bun, "Mommy, can these little seeds grow?"

I replied, "No, they are cooked."

"Um no probably not," he pondered.  "And they probably can't grow a hamburger... could they??"

December 21, 2012:  Hammy (5 1/2 years):  If there were no moon, there wouldn't be night.

Pookie (almost 11 years):  No, that's not true.  There would still be night.  Isn't that right Daddy?

Danny:  Yes.

Pookie:  There just wouldn't be tides.  And werewolves would turn into humans.

December 20, 2012:  I was puzzling over Gabbers  (9 years) answer in math, "Gabbers, how did you answer this?  Did you use a string?"

Gabbers replied, "No, I didn't have a string so I just imagined it."

I helped her understand, "Okay, well in math we can't just imagine it.  We need to measure."

December 20, 2012:  Hammy (5 1/2) figuring out life, "If things broke, they can always come back to life.  Cuz if we can't, Jesus can!"

December 17, 2012:  Hammy (5 1/2) asked me, "Mommy, why are babies so squishy?"

December 17, 2012:  Tater (3 years):  Oh you eat your cereal all gone?

Squdge (3 years):  yup.

Tater:  It in your leg?

Squdge:  Yup in my leg.

Tater:  In your leg?!

April 20, 2011:  We had a mini just-for-fun egg hunt today.  Each kid got three plastic eggs and a couple foil covered eggs.  After my three-year-old son had finished stuffing the last bit of chocolate in his mouth, he came into the kitchen where I was helping my seven-year-old daughter get a drink of water.  We had the following conversation:

Hammy (speaking around a mouthful of chocolate): I need more eggs.

Danny: You ate all the candy?

Hammy (swallowing): Yeah.  I need more eggs now.

Danny: That’s all for tonight.

Hammy: But I need more eggs!

Danny: You have to wait. The Easter Bunny will bring you more eggs on Easter.

Hammy: Where he is?

Danny: What?

Hammy: Where is de Easter Bunny?

Danny: Oh. He’s probably getting his eggs ready for Easter.

Hammy (eyes glowing with delight): I can help him!

Danny: Er, we don’t know where he is.

Hammy: But maybe we could…

Gabbers (who is already convinced she is smarter than my wife and me combined): I know what you’re going to say.

Hammy (confused): What?

Gabbers: That we can use the GPS.

Hammy: What?

Gabbers: We can use the GPS to find the Easter Bunny.  Then you can help him with the eggs.

Hammy: Yes, that!

Maybe they're onto something here.  I mean Santa has elves, but the Easter Bunny doesn't get any helpers.  Heck, he doesn't even have opposable thumbs.

April 16, 2011:  I (Nikki) was laying down on my bed with my laptop on my lapdesk in front of me.  I had been researching some things before falling asleep. 

Hammy (3 years 11 months) came in and asked in his usual Hammy volume and excitement, "Mommy!  What show are you watching?"

I groggily replied, "hmm?  Oh, I'm not watching a show.  I'm napping."

Hammy, now much wiser, whispered, "Mommy, what show are you watching?"

January 8, 2011:  Hammy (3 1/2 years):  Where's Bun?

Nikki: Bun had to take a nap. 

Hammy: Why?

Nikki: It's naptime. You can take a nap too.

Hammy: Why I need to take a nap?

Nikki: It helps you be happy and calm.

Hammy: Why?

Nikki: So you're not crazy and naughty.

Hammy: How 'bout I just say "sorry?"

August 15, 2010,  Bun (5 years):  Daddy, I have good news for you! This time when I had a lot of poop you don't have to plunge the toilet. I did enough flushes to get ALL the toilet paper down.

July 19, 2010:  Pookie (8 1/2 years), with a fleece throw blanket draped over his shoulders, declared to Danny and me (as we were sitting on the living room floor changing diapers),

"I am a magical wizard!"

Danny said, "Oh good. Why don't you use your magic powers to clean up this room?"

"I can't do that. But I can disappear!"

And he did.

April 29, 2010:  Pookie was rummaging around in his dark room last night looking for a couple items I asked him to get. Danny happened to walk by at the time and they shared this little exchange:

Pookie (8 years): It's so dark in here. I wish I had a carrot.
Danny: A carrot?
Pookie: So I can see in the dark!

August 3, 2009: Gabbers (5 3/4 years) observing my silent tears as they were leaving my hospital room, stopped and said, "Don't worry Mommy. One day you will be able to live at our house again."

January 19, 2009: Bun (3 1/2 years) after falling down the basement steps while following me to laundry room, "I'm okay! I fell down, but I didn't turn into a skeleton! I'm okay! I'm not a Bun-bun skeleton! See Mommy?"

August 1, 2008: Gabbers (4 3/4 yrs) with tears in her eyes found me upstairs decluttering my closet, "Momma, Ariel turned back to a mermaid and didn't marry Prince Eric!"

Trying not to laugh and trying also to be understanding, I said, "I know Gabbers. I know the show. It gets better. Go see what happens."

July 13, 2008: Pookie (6 1/2 yrs), "Mosquitoes will suck your blood. Then they put a spot there that will make you itch!"

June 30, 2008: Gabbers (4 1/2 yrs) telling Danny, "Daddy, some bugs eat other bugs. I call those bugs, HERO BUGS!"

June 19, 2008: Gabbers (4 1/2 yrs): I am outside without shoes because I am not going anywhere. I have to watch out for bugs though. I don't want any bugs crawling on my socks or they will probably take some of my blood.

Bun (almost 3 yrs): Ah! I don't want bugs to eat me! (as he lifts his feet into the air - also shoeless)

Gabbers: Silly Bun. Bugs don't eat people. Only alligators eat people. Alligators eat people because people are meat and alligators eat meat. So alligators have to eat people because we are meat.

Bun wide-eyed not worried about bugs. Bun on the lookout for alligators that might be roaming through the yard.

June 2, 2008: I said to Danny, "Thank you for the popcorn, Honey." Danny said, "You're welcome." Then Bun (almost 3 yrs) said, "No, Mommy. Daddy not da honey. You da honey."

May 21, 2008: Today I bought my children cotton candy while at the zoo. Now that we’re home, they’re eating the rest of it.

Pookie (6 yrs.) telling Gabbers, "I think I’m having a meltdown. If you eat too much sugar, you have a meltdown." Gabbers (4 1/2 yrs), intrigued, "That’s what God said?" Pookie reply, "Probably. And I think I’m having a meltdown right now."

April 18, 2008: I (Nikki) was explaining some homonyms and their spellings to Pookie (6 yrs) while drinking a Mt. Dew for my migraine. I accidentally burped and he wrinkled up his nose and said, "Mommy, you smell like caffeine. ew."

April 14, 2008: Pookie (6 yrs) "What happens if a bee doesn't think bee-ish?" Gabbers (4 1/2 yrs) answering in a dontcha-know? sort of way, "They'll turn into a people!"

March 13, 2008: Gabbers (4 yrs), "We are not chocolate. But there is chocolate inside our bones because we ate it. The chocolate. "

March 12, 2008: (In regards to birthmarks) Pookie (6 yrs.) lamenting, "I wanted an angel kiss on my forehead." Gabbers (4 yrs.) joining in the lamenting, "I wanted an angel kiss on my bum." Mommy explaining, "You do have one on your bum. You're the only one with a bum angel kiss." *Big smile from Gabbers.*

March 3, 2008: Pookie (6 yrs.) explaining to me why he was trying to take a toy away from Bun (2 1/2 yrs), "He doesn't understand what I say. I said, 'It's not yours, it's mine. But all he heard was yours.'"

February 28, 2008: Pookie said right after accidentally kissing Gabbers on the lips, "Oh, I don't feel well. I think I'm going to throw up."

February 26, 2008: Bun (2 1/2 years) said to me, "Mommy, Mooly has love in him, huh? You fix my Mooly."

January 4, 2008: Pookie is very excitedly preparing for his pirate (family) birthday party. I overheard him explaining to Gabbers, "If I'm going to be captain. I've got to be scurvy and walk the plank." She replied, "Argh."

January 3, 2008: Bun (2 1/2 years) was searching through the snack cupboard.

Me: Bun, go sit at the table if you want pretzels. 
Bun: Okay! (runs to the table crazy-happy-like) Hey, Pookie, you want pretzels? 
Pookie (almost 6 years): No.
Pookie: I said NO, Bun. Bun (in authoritative voice): Hey, no talka me like that!

December 27, 2007: Gabbers came down the stairs with much concern furrowed into her brow and said, "Momma, Bun just turned on the nudifier!" So, I had her repeat a few times, "hyoo-mid-uh-fahy-er."

November 6, 2007: Pookie & Gabbers were shopping with me in the shampoo aisle at Wal-Mart tonight with Danny a couple aisles away with Ham & Bun. Pookie said, "Mommy, it's boring shopping with you. But I still love you," and gave me a big hug.

November 6, 2007: 5 1/2 yr. old Pookie trying yet again to reach the light to the basement, "I can't reach the light." Helpful 4 yr. old Gabbers replies, "Stand on your tip-toes!" Pookie responds, "I did! That's how high my tip-toes go."

October 20, 2007: 5 1/2 yr. old Pookie (observing Danny's receding hairline): "Daddy, why did Heavenly Father and Jesus make your hair look like horns?"

October 18, 2007: (3 days away from 4 yrs.) Gabbers to Danny about the honey chicken wings: "Don’t eat the bones!" Danny: "Why not?" Gabbers: "They’re very not good for our bodies. We already have good bones in our body!"

October 5, 2007: (3 yrs. 11 months) Gabbers mentioned to me about 7 p.m. tonight, "Momma, it's bedtime!" I said, "I know, but we have friends over for a special night. So we'll go to bed later."An hour later, after the kid movie was over, Pookie says, "I'm going to look outside. Oh! It's dark outside." Gabbers says, "I know Pookie! It's because it's bedtime. I've been telling Momma now for FOUR YEARS!"

September 26, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs. 11 months) said, "Momma, babies don't like to be incognito. Cuz then they could stop breathing.

September 7, 2007: Gabbers (3 1/2 yrs.) with her hands on her hips, "Bun! (2 yrs.) You are being un-obedient!"

August 19, 2007: Pookie (5 1/2 yrs.): "Hey Gabbers, that's my slipper!" Gabbers (3 1/2 yrs.): "But I am borrowing it Pookie." Pookie, after a short pause: "But you are done borrowing it." Gabbers: "Oh," (pause) "Well, what are we waiting for?" Promptly takes off slipper and hands it to Pookie.

August 12, 2007: Pookie (5 1/2 yrs.) asking Gabbers (3 1/2 yrs.), "How do you spell BAD Gabbers?" Gabbers responding, "B-A-D." Pookie surprised, "How do you KNOW these things Gabbers?!"

July 28, 2007: Pookie (5 1/2 yrs.) inquiring sincerely, "Mommy, now it's Bun's (second) birthday, why isn't he talking yet?"

June 19, 2007: Bun (22 months) asking sweetly right before bed, "Mommy, I need a dwink." Me responding, "You need a drink, huh?" Bun: "A dwink." Me: "Okay, after I finish folding these clothes." "No! Mommy, (pausing for effect and holding up one finger) One . . . Two . . . Fwee!"

June 7, 2007: Bun (22 months) spotted me eating a Snickerdoodle cookie and had to have one. After one bite he broke the rest into small pieces, tossed it on the floor and said sternly (to the cookie bits), "Settle down boys!"

May 29, 2007: In the bathroom at AppleBee's after washing (22 month old) Bun's hands and face he noticed the background music when I turned the water off. Bun started dancing around and said, "Check it out! It musak!"

May 2, 2007: On the way to the doctor for coughs and runny noses Gabbers (3 1/2 yrs.) exclaims, "We will get a lollipop if we get shot." Danny responds, "I think this doctor gives out stickers." Gabbers elated, "That's great! That's very kind of the doctors!"

April 12, 2007: Not sure what I was overhearing, but Pookie (5 yrs.) said to Gabbers (3 yrs.), "I'm not like other Pookies."

April 10, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.) observing that Bun (20 months) was climbing out of his playpen, “Oh no! Baby’s going to fall on his head!” Then after Bun safely climbed out and landed on the couch Pookie said all flustered, “Oh… lizard blizzard!”

April 10, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) was playing the higher notes on the piano and singing, “If you like to sing . . . I love my family. . .” Bun (20 months) came up to her and said, “What? What?! What dat cwazy song?”

April 7, 2007: While Pookie (5 yrs.) and Gabbers (3 yrs.) were watching the morphing mommy-belly wiggle and kick, Pookie says, "Mommy, how does the baby come out of your tummy?" Gabbers quickly responds, "Pookie, the baby just pops out!"

March 22, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) noticing I braided my hair, "Mommy! What did you do to your hair?! It looks like a rope!"

March 22, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) sharing a joke with Bun (19 1/2 months), "Knock-knock baby." Bun playing along, "Who's dere?" Gabbers, "Chair." Bun looking bewildered and then finally replies, "Dat's funny."

March 19, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.) explaining to Gabbers (3 yrs.), "They're taking our trash away." Gabbers, "Why?" Pookie, "Because we used it up. See, they're putting it in there." Gabbers, "Why?" Pookie, "That's where it goes." Gabbers, "It makes me mad."

March 17, 2007: I asked Gabbers (3 yrs.), "What are you and Bun (19 1/2 months) eating and drooling all over?" Gabbers responded, "Oh, it's just cold Hot Tamales. Cuz they are yummy." Danny translated, "Mike & Ikes."

March 9, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.), standing as tall as possible, says, “Gabbers, come here and we’ll see how big you are.” Gabbers (3 yrs.) responds, “Oh, I’m just little.” Pookie outraged, “Gabbers! Don’t say that! You’re medium-sized!”

March 8, 2007: Interviewing Gabbers (3 yrs.) for our spotlight program in primary (at church) I asked, "Gabbers, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Gabbers said, "A kitty." Okay. "Gabbers what is your favorite Bible or Book of Mormon story?" Gabbers said, "The carrot. Or maybe the lion's den." Too many Veggietales?

March 5, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.) chasing Gabbers (3 yrs.) around the couch in circles, “Gabbers, Gabbers! Now I’m God and you have to follow in my footsteps.”

March 2, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) begging, “Mommy, can I please see the wittle baby in your tummy? I pwomise I will be very careful. Oh please!”

March 1, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) counting for hide-and-seek, “12, 13, 14, 17,” and Pookie (5 yrs.) interrupts, “That’s not how you count!” Gabbers responds, “But why?” Pookie answers, “Because . . . uh, you start at one!”

February 27, 2007: Evaluator at school assessing Gabbers (3 yrs.) for speech delays, “Gabbers, where do cows live?” Gabbers responded in a don’t-you-know sort of way, “In California!”

February 26, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) and Pookie (5 yrs.) climbed into my bed with me with a couple books after they woke up from their naps. Gabbers turned to me and said, “Momma, I will grow up big into a mommy and Pookie will grow up big into a daddy, and Bun will grow up big into a daddy, and you will grow little into a Gabbers. Okay?”

February 21, 2007: After spinning around and around in little circles with her arms out to her side, Gabbers (3 yrs.) said, “I’m turning into a butterpwy. But I can’t pwy without my wings!”

February 19, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) is sitting in highchair coloring and Pookie (5 yrs.) is standing next to her (at highchair) coloring as well. Danny and I overhear Gabbers say, “Pookie. Look at my face! Do I look happy? Well I’m not. I’m mad! Gimme back my cwayon!”

February 17, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) to Pookie (5 yrs.) at dining table right after being served pizza, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pookie?” Hmm…

February 7, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) explaining where her toast went, "I ate my toast. It’s in my tummy. But I can’t see my toast because it’s very dark in my mouth."

February 6, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.)begging desperately, "Mommy, can you please find me a banana? Because I really want some potassium!"

February 1, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.), listening to the record Camptown Races on toy record player, “Mommy, I’m playing Doo-Dah Day!”

January 31, 2007: Gabbers (3 yrs.) waving her hand slowly in front of my face, "Open da Mommy Store." After the "force" not working, she tries again, "Da Mommy Store is open!" And no, she has never seen Star Wars.

January 24, 2007: Pookie (5 yrs.) lamenting to Mommy, "I will be sad when I die and go to heaven and I can’t take Fuzzy, my pillow, and blue blankey with me."

January 23, 2007: Cashier at the commissary glancing at children, and then at the pregnant belly, "Are they ALL yours?"

June 15, 2005: Gabbers (20 months) threw all her raisins and banana slices on the floor and looked at me and said, "Oh, Gabbers! What you do?"

June 12, 2005: I was drying (3 1/2 yr. old) Pookie's hair really fast with his towel and he goes, "Mommy! Stop drying me in your dangerous way!"


Marcy said...

I love these. You sure have some intelligent, entertaining children. I love the un-obedient one.

Col @ :: things to do in ny when you're [not] dead said...

Aw, thank you so much for making me smile! I love these and your kids are precious.


Bebe said...

Aren't kids the best! Wait until you have three the same age--you won't believe the things you hear!

*Mirage* said...

These are HILARIOUS!!! Lol! Love the one about cows are from California... Haha!