Saturday, November 10, 2007

I'm so thankful for technology. You know, epidurals, computers, all that jazz.

I was searching for the princess party pictures and came across this picture. This picture was taken 3 days before G, my now 4 year old, was born. I had been in the hospital for 5 weeks at this point. I'm the haggard looking one in the middle holding a 21-month old Pookie.

Danny is standing right behind me. To my right is my sister who's 21 months younger than me with her oldest. Behind her is her hubby and their second child. On my left is my sister who's 16 months older than me and her son. She was about 4 1/2 months along with her second child.
Here is a journal entry I also came across this evening. This was typed up on the old laptop we had while I was in the hospital. I completely forgot about this entry. The words/names in blue are details I changed from the original for privacy.

Dear Journal,
I had so many plans. Now here I am stuck in a hospital bed until G is born. I miss Danny and Pookie so much. They just spent about two hours here with me. I could tell that they were bored. But it was so hard to let them go. I’m still crying. I have such mixed emotions. I feel angry that this happened to my pregnancy. Everything seemed to be going so well. I was walking just about every day with Pookie. That should’ve kept me healthy. But my membranes ruptured—which means my water broke. Now they’re trying to keep G in for as long as possible since I’m only 29 weeks and 2 days as of today. I’m hoping I can keep her in until she weighs at least 5 pounds, preferably 6. I don’t want her be disadvantaged in life from being too premature. Her lungs aren’t mature enough yet. The doctor is hoping I can make it to 34 weeks. He said that for every day G stays in me that’s two days she doesn’t have to be in the NICU (newborn intensive care unit). Anyways, 34 weeks is still early. That’s only five weeks. Only five weeks! I’ve only been in here since Sunday evening—only three days—and that seems like forever. So, I had Danny bring me my calendar so I could mark off days and look forward to G healthy and grand arrival at least five weeks away. It’s a good thing I like numbers. I plan to make a numbers game out of this. What else have I to do?

Anica sent five books with Erin for me to read. Erin brought them on Monday night and her husband, George, assisted Danny in giving me a priesthood blessing. I’ve read almost half of the first one already. It’s actually quite interesting. But my eyes get tired of reading after a while and I have to take a nap or switch to watching the clock or television. It’s hard to be away from Pookie. Up until being hospitalized I spent all day long with him every day. I miss him so much. I worry about what he thinks. Where’s Mommy? Why do I have a babysitter? What can’t I snuggle anymore? Snuggle is our word for nurse. I last nursed him at church on Sunday, September 14th. And it saddens me to think that that was probably the last time. My little boy is growing up. Of course when G arrives and is nursing maybe he’ll want to nurse again. Or maybe he will be a big boy and my little helper. I love him so much. It upsets me that I have to be away from him entrusting him in someone else’s care. Danny has to return to working tomorrow. Hopefully Erin can watch him. Pookie likes Erin, and I trust her. Mom is coming the end of this week or the beginning of next. She will watch Pookie when Danny is working until they go to Hawaii October 8th. Then she will watch him again when they get back on October 18th. Older sister and her son will also stay and help. That will be nice. I miss older sister, and her son is such a fun little guy.


Amy said...

Awww - That journal entry was heart tugging. By the way, I like you hair short. You say you look haggard, but I like it. :)

Leslie said...

Well, first off I don't know if I should admit I'm the icky looking older sister in that photo or not, lol! That's so neat that you came across that journal entry though. One day G will probably read that though at a stressful moment in her life as a mom or pregnant woman and connect with you as her mom even more when she realizes all you did to bring her into this world.

jenny said...

You are so strong to have gone through that. I felt like I was abandoning my oldest when I gave birth to the second and spent so much time the first week going back to the hospital to visit second one in the nicu, but I was still able to go home at nights to see my firstborn.

Haddorkus said...

When I was pregnant with my second I did like two days in the hospital and I hated every moment of my oldest being in someone else care. When he was with my
Dan I felt okay but a couple of times he had to go to other people's houses, he was like 18 months and I hadn't ever left him much, either. It was hard but there is no way he knows anything of it now. You're kids remember the good and fun stuff not a few days or in your case weeks of day care with someone else. Its always fun to come across memories like that, though.

George & Erin said...

Hey, I remember those times! Good times, good times! I had a lot of fun with Pookie. Now that I am a mom, I realize I was pretty amateur. How could you have trusted me with your child?? Well, it's great to reminisce and reflect on the past. I know it was a horrible experience for you, but I am sure that you recognize, in restrospect, the Lord's hand in everything.


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