Friday, August 18, 2006

“And the house on the rock” smells like poop.

WARNING: not for the faint of heart

What have I done? I have always been a person who firmly believes when you adopt an animal she becomes part of the family. Last Saturday we adopted June, our yellow lab. This past Tuesday we adopted Mae, our calico kitten.

At 6:30 this morning I awoke to the desperate cries of June needing to go out. I came downstairs to be greeted by the rancid smell of poop-coated puppy. Horrified, I got dressed to my shoes and took her outside to go potty (and if possible more poop). She sniffed around for a few minutes and ran back to the door to go in. She ran to the kitchen to her water bowl. Two seconds later, she started to urinate on my kitchen floor. I instantly shrieked, “NO JUNE! STOP! POTTY OUTSIDE!” and grabbed her to take her out. That resulted in a trail of potty from my kitchen to my front door. I tried to go back in without letting her in but didn't succeed. I did however succeed in slamming three fingers in the screen door. I went in for the leash and let out a very therapeutic (and very loud), “AAAAAACK!!!” I then took June to the backyard and hooked her up with the leash to the inside of the fence.

On the way back in to the house, this was my mental conversation:

Okay. You’re not going to have a crap of a day like yesterday.

Haha crap, that’s very funny.

Ew. She pottied and pooped in my house.

She’s just a puppy with a bladder infection and not yet housetrained.

She’s a part of the family.

What have I done? NO. No disposable pets in our home.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat as necessary.

I need to read my scriptures. We completely missed scripture reading yesterday. That’s what the problem is.

Show the kids through example, that these things happen and I can deal with it and still be nice to June.

Start singing a happy song. Put on a happy face. DO IT!

Use the toilet scrubbing gloves. Definitely use the gloves. I don’t want to go to the ward social tonight smelling like poop and pine-sol. Gloves are nice. Stop thinking about what happened and deal with it.

Thank you FlyLady, for the inspiration to get dressed to my shoes.

What a blessing to have early morning poop and potty in my home. Now my floors are nice and shiny clean, I’ve already decided it’s going to be a good day, and G is singing “When we’re helping, we happy.”


Pop said...

Now is the time to decide if you can handle it. First the potty and poop accidents, then comes the upchuck throw ups, even performing sticking your fingers in the dogs mouth to retrieve a stuck rawhide, or even performing emergency forced dog throw up to expell mounds of chocolate chips that the pet ate. Besides that, they chew furniture corners, books, kids toys, and swallow interesting smelling items from the bathroom trash. Stop now while you have a chance. But the real test is how well can the children enjoy the play yard without performing mine detection and disarming patrols daily. Of course, there's the digging, and even the death of your flowers and portions of your yard. Listen, come to your senses while you still have time.

The bottom line is "cute and cuddley" is not the same with kids or pets.

This is just an infomercial for the sane and sensible. Your descriptions are very funny. I enjoyed it and could picture it immensely. "Jomama" can identify with it. Bye.

OHANA said...

I have never laughed so hard, first from your post, then from dads...hee hee I cannot help but giggle. My customers were wondering what was so funny!! Anyways, I do enjoy the thought process, I must say I definately think the same way. Hee hee hee, this is such a good uplift for the day and will bring giggles to all who read....hee hee hee, I am still laughing!

Laura said...

I know the point of blogging is to leave comments on current posts, but I followed the rabbit's trail and now I'm dying, laughing right now. What a hoot!!!

All of our pets now poop in cages, And their lifespan is short - 2 years or less. We've become wise in our old age. :-)