Bun birth story and letter

On July 28, 2005, at dinnertime, Danny left the hospital (not long after I got an epidural) to go find food for himself. I was relaxed and comfortable. I fell asleep for a short time. It was maybe thirty minutes. I awoke suddenly with a very uncomfortable fullness. I felt like I needed to push. I called Danny to say, "I feel uncomfortable like I need to push." He said, "Have you paged the nurse?" I replied, "Not yet. But I will now." And then I hung up.


The nurse came in and I told her, "I think I need to push. I feel pressure." She said, "Oh, you shouldn't be feeling anything. It will be a little while more until you're fully dilated." I assured her, "No, this is really uncomfortable, at least on my left side. Could you check my cervix?" She did. I was 10 centimeters dilated. I called Danny back.

Nikki: Danny, I'm ready to push. I'm 10 centimeters. Where are you?


Danny: I'm in the drive-thru at McDonald's getting something to eat.


Nikki: Well SPEED over here!


Danny arrived. SuperDoctor arrived. (Seriously I'm not going to put his name out there but he's the best OB/gyn in the world. And if you live near me, and you know if you do, I will be glad to recommend him.) One and a half pushes later and no need for stitches, Bun was born at exactly 36 weeks gestation weighing 7 lbs. 1 oz. and measuring 20 inches long (I had to look up the length). He had black hair and was totally blue. I don't recall holding him. I think they just showed him to me. And scurried him away to the NICU.


They cleaned him up, got him breathing, and had him under a little oxygen hood thing-- which name escapes me right now. I got myself down to the NICU to see my new little miracle. There he was just relaxing away. I asked the nurses if they sedated him. They said, "No. He was very cooperative." I peered through the oxygen hood at his sweet little face and his black hair just sticking up all over.

The next 16 days were long and filled with tears and worry. Eight of those days he was intubated for his under-developed lungs. I stood my ground with the nurses and NICU doctors about not bottle feeding him when he was extubated. I even lectured (read: yelled at) the NICU doctor the day I took him home revealing that I did indeed know more about nursing a baby than he did and that no matter what he says, "I will be taking my baby home, TODAY."

On August 13, 2005, I brought him home from the hospital-- and he has been a wonderful blessing to our family ever since. His nickname on the blog and in real life is "Bun" because when I was pregnant with him we couldn't agree on a name and referred to him as "The bun in the oven." Eventually, still during pregnancy, he came to be referred to as "The Bun." For example: "Danny, please bring some of those little powdered donuts home on your way home from work. The Bun wants donuts."

Dear Bun,

Today you are three years old. You are a sweet-natured happy little guy. I can hardly believe you are mine. You are the sunshine in the morning always waking up happy. You are willing to cuddle at a moment's notice.

Around others you are reserved and a little shy. You have very good manners and want to be able to do everything your older brother and sister can do.

When baby Ham was born, I was worried you would feel left out or jealous. But you surprised us. What a wonderful little helper you are- bringing clean diapers and wipes for the baby, taking away dirty diapers, playing peek-a-boo, and hugging and kissing him especially when he's sad.

I love you Bun. And I'm so sorry I yelled at you and put a spank on your bum a couple days ago when you wouldn't put on the Pull-up I picked out for you (because it didn't have a helicopter on it) and threw a tantrum. I was so sad to see you fall asleep sad for your nap. Even though I had apologized and cuddled and kissed you, I know your feelings were still hurt. I knelt by your bed and cried and prayed to be worthy of being your mom.

Someday someone will want to marry you and take you away. And that breaks my heart right now to think of you not being here with me. But I know you will make a wonderful husband and father one day.

I love you Bunly Wonder.